You just made me feel so damn special
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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