On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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