Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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