She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
