She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize