I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
