Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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