i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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