Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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