I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
