Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
