I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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