A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
