I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
