Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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