We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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