put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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