I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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