She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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