I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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