It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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