Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
