I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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