i permit you to call me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
