Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
