We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
