I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
