margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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