when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Randomize
