I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
