you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Panties = found
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
