And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
