Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize