Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
