Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
