Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
