you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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