i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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