Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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