You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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