i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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