Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
