Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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