i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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