WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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