i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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