i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
