I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
