At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
