I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there is puke in my bra ... again
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