i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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