no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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