what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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