new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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