Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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