He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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