Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
