It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
