you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
