idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
