he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
