I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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