I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize