i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
