I think I died a long time ago.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I could fuck to npr.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
