better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
