so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
