I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
