thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
