I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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