I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
