When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pants are for mortals
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
